Death by Misadventure

Over the course of many long nights, I've done the hard work of reviewing the landscape of java energy drinks for you, the reader. Some were delicious, some were revolting, but I finished a can of each in order to bring you these results. Wonder no more about your next 11pm gas station purchase, because everything you ever wanted to know about coffee-flavored taurine binges is just below!

Java Monster (Originale) – The first impression you get when you take a sip of this is mellow, sweet, and smooth. It's like a Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee, but a bit sweeter. It's more creamy than coffee-ey, but that's alright. The kick lasts for hours, and it tastes so good that I wish they made a non-energy version so that I could enjoy them before I go to bed. Undeniably addictive, even though it's rather sweet. bitterness 0 sweetness ++ energy ++ overall (7/10)

Java Monster (Mean Bean) – Refreshing. This guy has a pretty smooth coffee taste with quite a bit of vanilla cream in there. Not quite as sweet as the Originale. bitterness 0 sweetness + energy ++ overall (5/10)

Java Monster (Loca Moca) – A very level-headed mocha drink. Not too much cream, not too much coffee, not too much chocolate. It's pretty tame, taste-wise, but it's pretty damn good. Nothing wrong with going the mild route when it tastes as good as this. bitterness + sweetness + energy ++ overall (7/10)

Starbucks doubleshot (Coffee) – Melted coffee ice cream. Amazing. I'm going to be stocking up on these guys for sure. Smooth, creamy, and loaded with coffee flavor. Absolutely delicious to the last gulp. bitterness + sweetness + energy + overall (8/10)

Starbucks doubleshot (Mocha) – This one's all about the coffee and mocha flavor. It's a deep, rich chocolately java flavor that makes you crave that next sip. The slightly bitter flavor and reserved sweetness make for a more mature taste that has you savoring it longer than a Monster. bitterness ++ sweetness + energy + overall (9/10)

Starbucks doubleshot (Vanilla) – I don't know who they're trying to fool with this one. The can says Starbucks, but it tastes exactly like Baileys (minus the alcohol). It tastes alright at first, but the flavor starts to wear on you halfway through the can. If you love Baileys, go pour yourself a few fingers, and leave this one on the gas station shelf. bitterness + sweetness + energy + overall (2/10)

Rockstar (Roasted Latte) – This tastes like coffee ice cream that fell into a glass of milk. No punch, no bite, no soul, just lottttts of energy. This is about as lame of a coffee drink as you can find. Recommended if you hate flavor (and sleep). bitterness 0 sweetness ++ energy +++ overall (1/10)

Rockstar (Roasted Light Vanilla) – 50% less fat & 50% fewer calories. 50% less flavor & 50% less body. It has the consistency of water, barely any java, and leaves an aftertaste of saccharine. If you like thin diet drinks, the flavor on this isn't bad, just soft. bitterness 0 sweetness + energy +++ overall (4/10)

Rockstar (Roasted Mocha) – Imagine mixing Ovaltine and a bunch of diner half and half cups together. Now imagine that mix after it's been sitting in the sun for a day. I'm not sure which one I would rather drink. This one makes my nevereverevereveragain list with flying colors. bitterness 0 sweetness + energy +++ overall (1/10)

Selling my 1995 Honda CBR 900rr.

This thing is FAST, and will smoke most bikes on the road. It’s a few years old, but it has had thousands of dollars in performance work done to it. Given the modifications and styling, I’m pretty sure that this bike has a history on the racetrack.

To get an idea for how fast this bike is, it weighs 400 lbs, and was 124 horsepower stock. That was before the heads were ported, a Two Brothers carbon-fiber exhaust was installed, the carbs were re-jetted, and the gears were shortened. These are the performance mods that I know about, and there may be more. I haven’t dynoed the bike, but there is no way that it is under 140 horsepower right now. In addition to speed upgrades, a steering stabilizer has been installed to improve control at really high speeds.

The paint job screams, and is one-of-a-kind. This bike gets tons of looks. It’s in great mechanical shape, and is ready to ride for the season. Tires have good tread, and the clutch is super tight. This is a serious machine. A nice perk is that the license plate is legal, but almost impossible to see, except from directly behind the bike. It will save you many tickets.

The bike has some scratches on it, and looks like it went down at some point. It’s all cosmetic, and nothing functional was damaged. As mentioned, I’m pretty sure that this used to be a track-bike, so a little road-rash on the plastics is to be expected. It only has ~11,000 miles on it, which is incredibly low for its age.

Wikipedia page about the Honda CBR900rr
Bikez.com page about the Honda CBR900rr

I’ll allow test rides with a valid license. But if you drop it, you bought it. $2,900 in the NYC/Hoboken, NJ area.

Front view with carbon fiber mirrors

Side view showing off the wild paint job

Rear view

The license plate is valid, but almost impossible to see

Left side view

Left front view

Front low view

Lovely lady not included

Pilot view

This has been an interesting week. I put in my two-weeks notice at my job.

A year and a half working with the same team means that we’ve shared a lot. The responses I got ranged everywhere from excited to being visibly disappointed. I certainly don’t think that I was viewed as the savior of the company, but people had high hopes for me. When those high hopes up and move to New York there’s a feeling of hurt. I feel like the kid in a small town that decides to up and out for the big city. There’s more than enough love, encouragement, and resentment to go around. Everybody I’ve talked to has been dealing with it in different ways.

How do you deal with surprises?

Change is hard. Even the most adventurous of us can shirk away from it when it challenges what we’re comfortable with. This need for stability only gets stronger as we get older. Sure, we may revolt against it from time to time. If my life is stable for too long, I feel trapped. At that point, I have no choice but to change or do something to re-affirm my control over my life. These revolts aside, as a whole we look for stability more and more the older we get. Our desire for control is the work of our lizard brain doing all it can to avoid change. Unfortunately for that inner control-freak, change happens regardless of our intentions. How do you deal with it?

No coping method is better or worse than others, but it is important to know how you handle it. Think back onto the last time that you got dropped a major surprise-bomb. How did you handle it immediately? 5 minutes later? 2 days later? 1 year later? All you really have is you, so I hope you know yourself.

A very kind reader, (thanks Skim), put together a map of Jim’s progress on his solo motorcycle ride from San Diego to the Panama Canal.

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?msa=33&msid=112802784570492713438.00047f9ceab68af14c66c&abauth=4b8d99beRmqljnB2QYe_AH8v84Y95i90

I’m hoping that the map will continue to be updated as Jim progresses on his journey.

Jim’s been at this ride almost a month, and is still going strong. Keep on keeping on Jim!!

They’re tried and true wintertime fun!

Go find yourself a snowy (preferably icy) parking lot and go nuts! Watch out for cops, and know your car. Donuts, J-turns, bootleggers, have fun!

P.S. If your car is front wheel drive, please skip the donuts and go straight for the J-turns, or I will laugh at you.

Death by Misadventure is getting a guest author! He’s got some great writing, and I’m really excited to welcome Jim A. to the site.

I don’t want to ruin the surprise, so I’ll let Jim introduce himself. I will say however, that he’s got some misadventures planned that you’ll want to stay tuned for!

A few weeks ago, I witnessed my buddy Chad attempt to take on two “Triple Atomic Challenges,” back to back, at a Quaker Steak and Lube. These wings are so hot that you have to sign a waiver just to order them, and eating an entire order of 5 gets your name on the wall. We bet Chad $50 that he couldn’t eat 10, with nothing to drink but Bud Light.

For some background, these wings are made with ghost chilis and measure 500,000 Scoville units [wikipedia] of heat. For comparison, A jalapeño pepper measures 2,000-8,000 Scovilles. Triple Atomic wings are seriously hot.

Rather than spoil the whole thing, an edited video of his attempt can be seen here. Trust me, it’s well worth the 11 minutes to watch the whole thing.

There’s a fun little trick that you can do with beer bottles that will give your grandmother a veritable heart attack.

Take an empty beer bottle, and drop a penny into it. Grab it by the neck, covering the top with your thumb. Shake vigorously for 5 minutes (that’s what he said!) and Voila! You now have a breakable bottle. When you smash the bottle against something (your head, your friend’s head, your friend’s mom’s head) the bottle will disintegrate like safety glass due to micro-cracks that you put in the glass.

Enjoy, and post stories if you try it!

As usual, I am totally not responsible for anything that happens as a result of trying a “Misadventure of the week.”

Like most kids, I’m sure that you grew up wanting to conduct weddings. As the years passed, you hit maturity, and your religious faith went the way of Sonny Bono. That childhood dream took a permanent vacation with your Legos and teddybears.

With the advent of new-fangled internet technology, those dreams can be resurrected. The Universal Life Church Monastery has ordained over 20 million ministers to date. With just an internet connection and 5 minutes of your time, you too can become an ordained minister for life.

The best part is…
Your ordination is legally upstanding in every state in the USA! No level of government can make judgements regarding the “quality” of your ordination, provided that your church is legally recognized (the ULC is).You may have to register with your county clerk before you conduct the wedding, so check first. Finally, to make that special day even more memorable, the ULC even sells wedding guides and paraphernalia.

So, there you have it, now go conduct a wedding. Even if you don’t have any upcoming weddings that need your help, get ordained anyways. When your boat is sinking in the middle of the ocean, the young couple on starboard is sobbing about how they never got to see their wedding day, and somebody calls out “Is anybody here a minister?” you can boldly step up and officiate the most heart-gripping wedding the world has ever seen. How’s that for an “I hope I get into heaven” hail-mary?

Last week I ran across a link about a group of old school adventure bikers from the 50′s that put anything I’ve ever done on a motorcycle to shame. And they were doing it on old Harley hardtails.

Check out some of the absolutely wild pictures and stories over at http://www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29723